Vocaloid's ASS (Absurd Short Stories)
by yoshiza
Summary: This is just a collection of the preposterous life of the Vocaloid members. Not a novel, but a collection of short story. Some chapters might have crossovers, and perhaps more than one crossovers.
1. AISKRIM 1

An Ice-Scream Kamikaze Raved into Mortality 1

It was too exhausting for the three of us for something underestimated and simpleton. This included Kaito's stupidity trolling our exclusive voice bank by copying the CD without our legal permission. After being chased by the mob, we were utterly lethargic; I opened and leaned the door. Gasping exasperatingly, I discovered that my hair tangled just like the 1970's afro disco dancer.

Miku served us a glass of iced water. "What's going on you three?"

"Don't you see these lunatic mobs chasing us?" Gumi rasped.

"Yeah, I saw them. I scribbled some words for them to comprehend."

Peeping from the window, I saw everyone had dismissed the mass and thrown the flambeaux and tridents on the street. They berated us, which did not benefit me. I clinked the window glass and totally fell asleep.

I did lose my consciousness, but I could still hear Miku's conversing with my both best friends, as if a verse from an angel whispered into my ear. All I did was just enjoying my snooze and ignoring the reality at the moment.

I woke up after somebody tickled my belly button. Miku ordered me to do weekly chores. Perhaps, I could just sleep on Miku's sleek thigh by clutching hers. Next, I gripped her right one so firmly that she couldn't even make a single move. But, she hoisted her left one and forced herself the right foot so that she could stop me from being clingy. She pounded my head and became vitriolic to me.

"Aren't you straight?" Miku irked, "Get rid of me!"

I resumed my snooze and yet, I was beaten up by Miku again. I felt the pain, but I couldn't do anything but to fulfill my duty. I walked to the kitchen comatosely as lifted my arm perpendicularly.

Gumi stammered, "Z-z-z-zombie! The zombie is dwelling in our house."

She tugged IA's skirt for a cue and stammered nonstop. Both of them were wordless looking my hair totally tangled and my wounded face. "Z-z-z-z-z-z—"

Everybody put their panic on their mind and assembled to the kitchen. "What is that creature?" Yohio inquired. I turned my head to them and they were totally just like the chickens.

"Bwaaah!"

At the moment, I couldn't regain my conscious any longer before Miku sprayed some pesticide to my face.

"Take this," Miku fortified the rest, "you zombie."

I could barely breathe and soon, I showered myself. Soaking with water, I returned to the kitchen and the bad boys apprehended me promptly. They tied me on the chair with the rope and attached my mouth with a duct tape. They also covered my eyes with a scarf.

Somebody interrogated somehow with anonymous voice. The voice was so dark that I was exactly in the labyrinth at the jiff.

"Who are you?"

They were so simpleton because they asked the person whom they taped the mouth. What kind of interrogator were they just because I was unconsciously a zombie?

They were exasperated and started nagging me, "Who are you? Answer!"

I mumbled at them and they were still intimidating me, "Who are you?!"

I licked the adherent side of the tape, slurped, and spit it. Then, I nodded my head so that the scarf began to loosen. I saw the one who interrogated me and began to be furious.

"You," I took a great, merciless breath and began bawling to him, "you retard. Don't you ever use your encephalon to think? I can't talk when you stick me with the tape, imbecile."

I transformed my hand into scales that may be hazardous if someone touched. It was due to the fact that I owned a venomous substance under my radii, which I refilled it by injecting each of my radius once in two weeks. The venom was too poisonous, even that the rope could melt itself. I intended to use and execute people with my self-made venom so that they could be remorseful what they had done to me.

"Now, you," my eye color incandescently reddened and my eyebrows grew longer, as if I was incarnated as a demon. I walked slowly to him, intimidatingly pushed him to the suicidal level. I glanced around and everybody soaked in white.

"No, no way he'll be dying soon."

"You're too stupid to exist; get in the Netherworld."

The guy with blue hair was immobilize as I took a step closer to torment his soul. I lent him a hand and said a farewell, "This is your last handshake." He turned into a total yellow and finally stoned. As I began my elegy, somebody drenched me a bucket of water, again.

"Huh? What am I doing here?" My real instinct was back to the world that was supposed to be. "Why Kaito's totally cold? Never ever seen him so cold that he froze without exiling him to Siberia."

"Ah, too bad I can't get the fun part," Avanna recorded me.

"What?" I excoriated to her.

"You're the monster. I love how the way you act. I really love it!"

I was totally confounded…

Everyone except Gumi, IA, and I left the kitchen. Looking at the kitchen, there weren't left any food but leftovers. We messed up the kitchen set and put all remaining food on the preparing table.

I asked, "Are there any proteins?"

"There are just half chicken and three steaks left."

IA defrosted them in the microwave. She then told me to wash the vegetable, but the only vegetables that we had were just few greens. I opened the cupboard, lifted, and put the flour on the preparing table. Just behind the flour, there were too many herbs. That was why sometimes at the end of the month, we just ate the spiced bread for lunch and dinner.

I thought the last week of the month was the schedule for shopping, but I realized that it was November-December errand, when we had to update our voice banks and the voice editor application, Vocaloid. Everybody was just too busy to do the outdoor chores.

Since it was the same case, I pulled out everything inside the cupboard and discussed what food we should serve for all Vocaloid members living in the mansion. IA, one of my besties, was eminent on cooking, although she often made us something eerie to eat.

"So, let's see," IA pointed the ingredients, "what about cooking a pie?"

"I don't know if it is successful or not."

I glanced at her skeptically because she wrecked up most dishes when she cooked in big portion.

"Don't worry," she ensured, patted my back, "it won't happen again. Right now, you two should give me a hand."

The oven beeped and we had a great effort to carry and serve the 21-inch-diameter pie on the dining table. It was so heavy that even a single man couldn't carry it. Abruptly, Miku clenched IA's hand and hauled into the living room.

"Bwaaah," IA was surprised, "Gumi, Mayu, could you help me calling all members to the dining room?"

"B-b-but how could we two girls be supposed to carry this monster?"

"Just figure it out yourself. I'm busy right now." She left us without further advice.

Gumi and I were struggling because of the unbalanced pie weight. Meanwhile, everybody was on their own business, so we attempted a few times to bring it.

"Let's tote the pie," Gumi suggested, "I mean I tote the pie with you."

"Isn't that obvious?" I was outrageous.

"What?"

"Just now, we three had an effort to bring the pie and it was such a disaster. What do you expect two of us toting the pie?"

"It won't fall. Trust me."

I lifted the pie and put it on her arm. I held the pan, but she wasn't strong enough to bear it. I was almost tripped as I walked backwards and hit the cupboard. Gumi knocked her head, "Ouch, it hurts." She barely resisted the weight, "You're right. Do you have any other ideas?"

I was totally blunt; I couldn't even think even a single word to talk because I was on lassitude even to perceive something.

"Well," I paused a little bit as I was uselessly fatigue, "I don't know what to do; I wanna snore some more."

"There's no time to sleep."

At all of sudden, my mind came with brilliant idea, didn't it? _Never mind._

"Let's push the pie on the floor instead."

Gumi flattened her facial emotion, "I don't think we should push the pie on the floor. That'll be impertinent, you know."

"Unless the food is still warm, the members will nag us," I tried to figure out another intriguing idea to serve this food before the heat disappeared. On the table, there was coincidentally a box and there were some wheels inside of it. The thing was that I suddenly noticed the most convenient way to serve the pie.

"Gumi, could you take me a screwdriver?"

"What the heck are you doing? It's not the time to disassemble an RC."

"Whatever. Just take the screwdriver urgently."

I designed a kiddy cart using the box so that we didn't waste our energy just to lift this monster. I installed four wheels and holed the front side so that the rope could be tied there. I examined the little cart and it was surely a terrific one. We placed the pie and pulled the cart to the dining room.

As we almost reached there, the cart suddenly broke apart and the wheels scattered everywhere. Gumi wondered, "What have just happened?"

"I don't know." I shook my head.

"So now, how do we put this pie exactly on the table?"

Somehow, a reflective instinct demanded us to yell, "Help! Help!"

I thought the boys wouldn't stay in the mansion for momentarily because they had to record their voice to their own provider, so they could render and update their voice bank by themselves.

Fukase and Big Al came and gave us a hand putting the pie on the table.

"While you're managing to serve this pie, Gumi and I are going to the announcement room."

After taking stairs, Gumi plugged the microphone and I switched the speakers on.

"Everybody, the dinner is ready. Please advance to the dining room punctually."

As the ones who were in charge, we counted how many members that weren't on the dining room.

"Dex, Arsloid, and VY2 have just informed us they wouldn't be in the mansion, while we only know IA, Miku, and the rest of them were in the living room."

Everybody was starving and grabbed a piece of pie. However, according to the rule, all members had to assemble to the dining room or everyone was not able to eat, unless the members told us that they were absent during the dining time.

"But I'm so hungry," Miki and Iroha wailed.

"Oh, kids," Gumi muttered, "when will they be grownups?"

"This is weird." I was nervous, "Usually, IA is the one who comes here so fast."

"Yeah, I'm sorta jealous to her," Gumi groaned

"Why are you suddenly talking that?"

"I don't know. She eats a lot without gaining her body weight. So awesome. I wish I could be her someday."

I vanished my face to her, headed to my bedroom, and took the weighting scale. Then, she measured at my behest.

"What?" Gumi shrieked, "I gain three kilos, again? But I'm on diet right now! What should I do?"

"You're right," I agreed, "perhaps, we should await them awhile. IA might be using the toilet right now."

"Did you just listen to me?"

"I don't know; just stop grieving to your body. I'm so exasperated."

Everybody was petulant because their small bellies rumbled so loudly that I thought the sound came from the thunder. They protested and drove me crazy.

"But, rules are rules. Nobody eats before everyone's coming," I was totally impervious. Everybody complained to me, but my idealism dominated me when it went to rules and regulations. It was that I wasn't inflexible, but as the real reason, I didn't want to be a hypocrite person who disobeyed the rules that weren't supposed to be followed, unless it was emergency. This was definitely not in the condition where an urgency was a requisite, just like there was no food and people turned into cannibalism. There would be no compensation for us to outlaw thus.

"We're sitting here and not eating before IA and the others come, period. Nobody leaves here."

Ruby murmured to Fukase, "Is she on the period right now?"

He was perplexed, "I don't know, but she's right on the period. Just look at her skirt. It's soaked in—"

"Fukase, I heard that!"

Three days passed and nobody had ever returned to their errands. We were all lingering still in the kitchen awaiting IA and the others return. Some of us slept on the dining table while the others used their phone because I ordered not to flee as long as they didn't come.

"Oh, God, why can't we eat right now?" SeeU howled.

"Yeah. I don't think the pie's going to taste like three days ago, duh," Miki protested.

"Three days?" Ruby shocked when she was reading a novel, "Can we just go eat that pie without them? I'm really starving right now."

"At least I didn't have to meet him for three straight days." Big Al continued to chant his voice to the auto-tune application right on his phone. In the meantime, there was a cat that appeared just like magic. It then climbed, scratched the table cloth and clawed the candle, in which the cloth was almost burnt thus.

Fukase turned his head right and something odd appeard.

"Why suddenly there exists a cat?"

Ruby sneezed, "I don't know, but—"

As a matter, I loved cats to be honest, so I chased the cat on the table and caressed it. "What a fluffy kitty you are." The cat mercilessly clashed my hair.

"My beautiful hair," I bewailed, "I have just look after mine. No!" I was mad to the cat that cut my long, blonde hair, "Cat, you're paying for this!"

I cast my eyes down standing my shame. "Mayu, stop being a drama queen," Gumi advised me.

"Drama queen? It's so complicated to take care this long hair, you know."

"Nah," Gumi taunted me, "you just brush your hair with the mixture of a glass of goat milk, rice tea, a pinch of zinc and uranium don't you?"

Gumi didn't realize that it was my deep dark secret. They tried to avert me, but was that a real hazardous to put little powder of uranium ore in my shampoo? There were so many things that were actually radioactive, such as bananas that were gobbled by Len, or maybe Brazilian nuts crunched by Arsloid.

"What?"

"N-n-n-nothing…" Fukase exaggerated.

"Guys, don't you see that Len is eating so much radioactive substances? I mean, aren't I wrong to mix a little bit of uranium so that I could take care of my hair?"

"B-b-b-but that's totally nonsense—and pravest," Ruby permeated me with vitriols.

"What does even 'pravest' mean? Let me guess, pre-harvest, which means before harvest day?"

"Far from you expect," Fukase booed me, "that word is so popular right now. I don't know where it comes from, but according to the statistical result from the I Love English Company, 'pravest' is currently the most used word in the world as a slang, and has been nominated to the most innovative words, you know."

"Stop gibbering—that is not even a legible slang," I confronted, "what does it mean by the chance if I have to know it?"

"You'd be better to see the cat blighting the dining room immediately," Len hooked our clothes and redirected our sight.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Miki was dejected, "this is hell. What the heck has happened?"

"I don't see any semblance of Iroha here in all of sudden," SeeU reported.

I looked around the kitchen and there really was no Iroha. The cat distracted me searching Iroha somewhere. The others were also catching the cat in some kind of different methods.

Len suddenly noticed the color of the cat's tail was distinguishable from the other types of cats. I also recognized the cat's scent that was just familiar to me. As the cat went outside, Gumi had just blocked the way out.

"Here's the cat," she handed me the cat.

"I think it's not an ordinary cat," Ruby sneezed over and over again.

"I'm agree with Ruby," Len fondled its tail, "the tail is red—and brilliant."

Gumi inferred, "I don't think that's a real cat. It smells like somebody recently takes a shower, but she's kinda aggressive."

"Whoa, the mess—"

The cat had just ruined the entire dining table. Most of the plates and glasses had been fractured, the cloth was just torn irregularly, and the cat even peed on the table. The candle melted and the wax was everywhere on the table, as the cat's footprint. There was just one thing that was weird: the pie remained untouched. As the cat began to bite the crust, I put the pie away from it.

As the dining room became a chaos, somebody knocked the door. I opened it, IA and the others had returned. She hugged me, but her body scent was so smelly that she didn't shower for three consecutive days.

"Where have you been?" I cried.

"Just a little bit business with Kaito and his pals," she caressed my hair and noticed the change, "did you take a haircut? It looks so unkempt though."

"It's a long story, IA. Anyway, let's eat the pie."

"Huh? What pie?" IA pondered awhile, "You mean the pie we baked three days ago?"

"Yes."

IA was amazingly shocked, "Haven't you the rest eaten the pie?"

"Yes, and nobody won't eat the pie until you all are coming."

Listening to what I said, Miku yelped because something might happen bad to us worse than when I had to be obedient to the mansion law. She didn't spit a word and rushed to the dining room. The others and I followed her as the lexical meaning of 'Miku didn't talk' meant that everyone was just a garbage for her.

"What the heck?"

As I escorted IA, Miku, and the others to the dining room, it was totally a disaster. This time the chair turned into the cat's mosaic scratches, the cat peed for the second time on the table, but the pie was still free from the contact.

"Mayu, why did the yellowish liquid drip?" IA pointed the table.

"Umm…"

"Eww, that's so gross." Miku pinched her nose, "I can even smell the spew from here."

Kaito spotted the right corner of the dining room, "And why are Gumi, Big Al, and the others standing, toting, and shivering in fear?"

"Th-th-th-that cat—" Gumi was agitated. "s-s-s-so aggre-re-re-sive!"

Miku meowed and beckoned her outside the dining room, "Iroha, deform your shape."

This time, the cat did treat something to the pie. It bit and chewed the pie crust and something weird happened again. "Meow, meow, delicious," the cat turned into a human—not a humanoid.

"IROHA?!"

The Vocaloid's in the corner tumbled directly to the table.

Big Al got splashed and loathed, "Ew… Cat's pee. Gross."

"Finally, I'm full," Iroha yawned like a cat.

I punched her head and clamored, "You just even take a bite."

"But it's tasty. Who cooked the food?" Iroha meowed.

Miku elaborated what had just happened to Iroha, "She turns naturally into a cat once she is so starving."

"What?" everyone was utterly astonished, "We've never known that Iroha is half human half cat."

"Any-meow," Iroha clung to me and purred my hair, "the pie hasn't rotted yet. The cook must be so professio-nyal."

IA grinned to me and her. I was curious how the pie hadn't decay at all, so I ate one. "IA, you're a great cook," I complimented her gleefully, "I don't believe you don't burn the food again."

"Yeah, IA. This isn't so bad after all," Miku complimented her.

Rin wondered, "IA, how can the pie taste so tangy and tasty?"

"I don't know. This is just what I've got."

"Do you have a secret ingredient?" Gakupo asked.

"Every chef has its own secret, duh," IA mocked him, "anyway, just enjoy the food and I'll tell you the secret to make this pie last longer."

"I'm totally full," Oliver yawned, "this is the best dish I ever eat."

"Me so sleepy-eow," Iroha stretched her body and meowed. Ruby stood on the chair and shivered with resentment, "Cats!"

Gakupo retrieved IA the secret, "So, what's the secret ingredient anyway?"

"I won't tell you directly, but okay. I want you to obtain a convoluted phrase and decrypt it into a simple ingredient."

"What's the code?" Miki asked.

"It is a living elegy," IA smirked. Avanna and Fukase was totally stunned, "You put everyone here to death?"

"Not that elegy. I don't sing an elegy because I am a cinnamon roll" she enticed them lief.

"So, what does it mean anyway? Living is something exist and movable, while elegy is a death ceremony song. You said that the ingredient is the lexical meaning of the decrypted phrase, didn't you?" Avanna vociferated, "So, according to the denotation of the meaning, living elegy means that the song chanted to something living until the death."

"Umm… That's not what I mean," she defended herself, "what's the word for concealed meaning?"

"Just say hidden meaning," Fukase answered.

"Okay, so I want you to figure out what the hidden meaning is."

Without further protest, everyone switched the phone on and searched the meaning by using the dictionary application. I didn't have to because my axe was also a pocket dictionary, so it was convenient just to gaze at the axe rather than staring on the phone for a while. I touched the sensor on the blade and a hologram zoomed in. I uttered the code and the hologram displayed _"Looking for_ _ **Living Elegy**_ _"_.

I copied the meaning and pasted to the wooden handle so that I could read it without decreasing the axe power. As I shut down the hologram, we shouted in unison that we had found the hidden meaning of the code.

Fukase found that the meaning was chicken stock. Rin and Len found that banana and orange were the living elegy. The bad boys but Kaito agreed that chili and milk were the ingredients; Kaito might just answer ice cream was the secret formula. I pondered that all herbs except candlenut were the ingredients to keep the taste more balanced and last longer. The others were just too lazy to analyze the words.

"You are all wrong, but Kaito," IA flayed.

"Is my answer correct?" Kaito was piqued by IA's reaction.

She then faced and stabbed Kaito, "Nope, you're the worst! Since everyone was not able to figure it out, I just have to reveal the encrypted phrase."

"This is gonna be stunning," she yelled out loud slowly, "that the secret ingredient is—"

"What? Tell us right now."

"It's so simple, you know," she sighed, "so simple that everyone can do it if you have given an authorization from so—"

We roared, "Just say it!"

"It's my dandruff, silly."

We all were speechless. We all were disgusted with the delicious pie because she put something inappropriate inside the food. IA was overwhelmed seeing our empty facial expression.

"What's wrong with you guys?"

We didn't react because all we did were just opening our jaws and paralyzing like a stony statue. She waved her hands in front of our hands, but we were just as if we consumed something desponded. For just a second, most of us were all alive and began to spew. Some of us directed to the bathroom just to vomit and others vomit at the dining table's ruins.

"Eww," Miku held her gastric to bear her stomachache, "that's the most horrific food I ever swallow."

"How the heck you put your dandruffs in the pie?" Avanna kvetched.

"But isn't that fine?" IA talked solemnly, "My dandruff has some kind of magical spell and according to the lab research, my dandruff is edible and nutritious. Aside from my dandruff, I also put another ingredient as a substitute for salt."

"Let me guess," Fukase trolled, "it's your sweat."

"Yes, but it is hygienic, you know. According to the lab result nearby the emer—"

"I don't care even if the lab admits your hygiene. Edible or not, it's just so disgusting," Miki scolded her.

"—hmm… Not only that," IA responded in such smart way, "this is the top secret formula for my delicious pie—"

We refused, "NO!"

We planned a payback to IA for what she had done to the pie and us.

"Let's get out of here," Big Al whispered to us in circle. Rin and Len still didn't wake up until I beat their backhands.

"Ouch," the twin arose, "what's the deal with, Mayu?"

"Nothing, just get out of the dining room!"

As we tiptoed, Kaito accidentally bumped over IA's head and swiftly run. IA was awoken, rubbing her eyes.

I peeped her. "Oh, guys, it's midnight. Where are the others?" Nobody answered her. She began to be anxious for our disappearance.

"Miku, Gumi, Mayu, where are you?"

We all shouted behind wall where IA couldn't see us, "Go clean the dining room by yourself, IA. Thanks for the meal anyway."

"Have you been turned into a ghost?" IA whined, "NO!"


	2. AISKRIM 2

An Ice-Scream Kamikaze Raved into Mortality 2

I glanced the adhered raindrops on the other side of the window. It reminded me that the city was showered heavily all night long. I could have got back to the bed and continued to dream if the temperature had not been so breezy.

Alas, I couldn't retrieve back my sleep once I had woken up, as if there was something memorable that day. I could recall the day but I couldn't exactly remember what the event was. It was just like something dazzled on my reverie, or someone whispered to my ear.

I switched the TV on so that I was able to forget this buzzing mind. I actually enjoyed the morning reality show until someone who held a sword barged in my room. It seemed that it was a male, but it could also be a female due to its silhouette.

"Hi Mayu." It approached me closer and closer with a dark, raspy voice.

I yelped, "Aah… Monsters." The creature turned terrifying as it drew nearer to me.

"Hello, it's me, VY2."

I threw the pillow to him, shooed him away, and swore, "Simpleton!"

"I don't mean to—"

"To what?"

"—I just wanna say something to you."

"Yeah," I prejudiced, "you wanna confess your love, huh? How many girls do you have right now?"

"I don't mean to—umm—do such as dirty-minded things; I just need to say something important right now."

I ordained, "Give me a hundred pushups or I'll call the police,"

"What—"

He received the punishment once I grabbed my phone and turned off the TV. I asked him cynically, "What do you want to say?"

"I just wanna say that today is his birthday, bu—"

"Hold it," I paused his punishment and it was that memento that I could have forgotten. "Oh, I get it." I got up from the bed and tidied the room.

"You mean him?"

"Don't tell me that you've forgotten his birthday. It's just so special because he entered to this mansion at the same date as he was born."

"Ah, I know right—"

"Don't mention his name. Let's ostracize him for the rest of the day until he treats us something."

"—Okay, thanks anyway. Now, get out from here before I change my mind!"

I opened the window; the sun shone so radiantly. However, the garden wasn't very moist after the midnight shower outside, so it was the suitable moment to plant my tomato seed. I swept and mopped the floor, and left the room without closing the door.

It was just a mediocre day because everybody did the same errands and activities—watching TV, gardening, recording the voice for the voice bank, writing lyrics, eating, and something ordinary, until…

"Special ice cream. Get a special discount just for today!"

The ice cream truck promoted its exclusive millennium-edition ice cream. Although it was quite distant to the Vocaloid's mansion, I could hear the crowds as if they idolized an artist singing on the stage. Kaito sprinted from inside and caught the truck up.

"Ice cream!"

"Whose voice was that anyway?" Big Al warmed up with Oliver and Yohio before jogging around the mansion.

"I don't know," Oliver replied, "maybe another boring ice cream truck passing nearby the mansion, again."

"This time, I'm going to retaliate him for he had implicitly molested me in the living room. Let's tail him."

I was just so inquisitive what was going on with that ice cream truck; not so many people queued up for the ice cream. Calling IA and Gumi, together we caught up the ice cream truck. It would be so fresh after swallowing a scoop of ice cream during the prompt haze.

"What, Mayu?" IA yawned, "I'm so sleepy. I wanna have my bed right now."

"There's an ice cream truck," I offered them.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested," Gumi refused, "unless there's a specialty"

"It is, Gumi. Let's go!"

Gumi grasped IA's hand and hauled her body with my help to the truck. Nonetheless, IA was still idling as she had been worn out after cleaning her kitchen all by herself yesterday. She held and hugged the big mango tree as we pulled her to the truck.

"I don't want to—"

IA gasped, "I just need some sleep."

"Let's go IA," Gumi bargained, "don't you remember your doctor's advice?"

"What advice?"

"Don't you forget that you'll squirt your bloody diarrhea on your joints if you sleep more than 10 hours?"

"But I was just getting asleep for nine hours, not ten."

"I don't give a care. Bite some ice cream." I tweaked her ear and pulled her tangled, wavy hair.

"No way!"

Gumi and I grabbed the shovels and stabbed on IA's buttocks, "Yes way! Come on."

"Oh gosh, not today—" IA rued.

Gumi and I dragged her like a toddler cart. We drabbled her onto the uneven road, tripped on the steep pedestrian, and scratched to the asphalt.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow—"

As we reached to the ice cream truck that stopped near the emergency court, we wrecked up IA's entire fine body. Her face was as if she got smashed by the street gang. Her injury limbs were swollen so badly. Her hair was completely tangled. She clamored, "Merciless you both. I've just recovered my legs few days ago."

Oliver, Big Al, and Yohio turned backwards and offered IA for a hand.

"What's going on with you, IA?"

"I've just got drag—"

Kaito suddenly cheered raucously, "Ice cream!" Everybody turned and glared at him with intimidation.

"Huh? What's that guy doing there?"

"I don't know…"

"Yeah, who cares about the one who dyes the hair blue with cosplay suit during this haze?"

We were in the last of the queue whilst Kaito, Big Al, and the others were in the second last queue. The customers were lunatic like an army of ant arguing for the food stock. They pushed each other as if they were in the crypt and yelled each other as if they demanded a vociferous revolution to the current government.

"I want that ice cream,"

"No way, I'm going to grab his ice cream."

"Bitches do not eat anything but bones. You all are bitches, so I am the only one who legibly bite the ice cream."

"If we're the bitch, you're the son of the bitch. Hence, you are our son; you have to be obedient and not to show your pretentious personality to your mother, bitch!"

"I don't swear such things as bitch, but could you please take your words back? There are some naïve children who shouldn't listen to such profanity. Two hundred dollar, please!"

"So?"

"You're the bitch, you're the son of the bitch, you're the son of son of the bitch, and you're the son of the son of the son of the bitch. Don't let me throw you bitches with your bitches to the beach where there are so many bitches lying on the sand beaches."

"Why don't we stop talking bitches and start the manly fight instead, bitch?"

"Can you guys stop saying bitch?!"

The crowds turned into a fraternity fight, where the mob members quarreled each other. They smashed, brawled, smacked, and assailed each other and created a walkway riot. At the same time, Kaito instantly cut the line left by the customers and talked to the ice-cream man.

"Welcome to the Ziti Ice Cream Truck!"

The ice man gazed at him and cued that he had known him before, "Have I known you?"

"I don't know," Kaito shrugged his shoulder as he paused, "maybe. Anyway, can I have an ice cream?"

The riot stopped and gaped Kaito. The silence entered as he took his wallet and the customer's sight gradually became more cynical. The ice man sweated in angst and dropped his ice cream that was going to be given by Kaito.

The customers who created the riotous atmosphere dismissed in all of sudden. We didn't understand what had just happened.

"W-w-w-w," I stammered, "…why the heck did the riot suddenly stop?"

"I don't get it," Oliver confused, "and why does the ice-cream man look so insecure?"

I saw a crowd of people bringing a big banner from my far sight. They seemed to be heading to the emergency court. As they arrived just in time exactly in front of the emergency court, they began to embroil the walkway. One thing surely unusual was that the mob undoubtedly consisted of the customers. I slowly read the banner and the phrase ' _No cutting the line!'_ colored in brilliant blue and crimson.

"What's going on?" I calmed the mob.

"He's cutting the line, duh," the leader of the mob yelled to us with his loudspeaker.

"But you all are the one who left the line," we defied him.

"Yeah, I don't care. He's just cutting the line," one of the mob spoke firmly.

The leader commanded, "Go get them and the ice cream truck!"

The ice-cream man was stagnant as if he was chained so tightly that he was barely able to move. Big Al slammed the truck backdoor while Yohio and Oliver sneaked behind Kaito and kidnapped him. We all quickly intruded the truck.

"Are you okay, sir?" Oliver sensed the ice-cream man's forehead and reported, "His body is so cold like an ice cube. Is there anything we can do?"

Yohio turned on the car engine, and drove swiftly.

"Looks like the mob's going to form a commotion."

"Bwaaah! We're not even getting ready yet!" I screamed.

"Just look there. The mob's going to chase us."

Oliver fortunately unzipped his backpack and grabbed his hot green tea in a small, portable thermos. He took out his clean handkerchief, dropped some green tea on it, and compressed the ice cream man's forehead.

"Why do the truck move by itself?" the ice-cream man awakened.

"No time to explain," IA sighed, "now, drink the tea Oliver give to you. Just keep lying. Your body's too frigid."

He sipped the tea and replenished his power. "Are you okay, sir?" IA made sure that he was fine even the riot returned.

"Can you tell me what's just happened?"

"Short story, the mob is chasing your truck. Long story, your customers were just smacking each other, Kaito took over the line, the customers went home, and invaded your ice cream truck."

"Both of them are short story, in my opinion though," the ice man rasped, "and who's driving this truck?"

"Don't worry," Gumi patted his shoulder, "we have a competent driver here."

Looking at the window, the mob turned into a tumult that chased us impulsively.

"Hey, you blue hair! Don't cut my line!"

"No, you don't go anywhere. I'm going to haul you to the road, you blue-hair man!"

"My ice cream, where are you going?"

There was an old man who brought the grappling hook and he threw to the truck. I witnessed an old man shooting his grappling hook and attempted to brake the truck's right tire.

"Watch out!" we shouted.

Yohio successfully dodged the shooting hook. Nevertheless, the police convinced us controlling the car too rapidly; they chased us. The siren sound from the police car blended nuance to more chaotic.

The mob eventually dismissed their rebellion against us right before the police appeared in order to wipe them out; however, the police was just raiding us. We decelerated and braked the truck, halting nearby the big mansion. We exited the truck as we had already worn out.

The police car stopped and the police officers interrogated us, "Are you insane? It's too dangerous!"

"But there was a mass of mob chasing this truck," Oliver opposed.

"Mob? I didn't see even a single person chasing your truck. You've just violated the traffic law, you know."

"This is just for the sake of the ice-cream man," I explained as clearly as possible so that the police could comprehend what was actually happened during that jiff.

"…"

"I see," the police officer spotted Kaito near the ice-cream box. "Aren't you the one who cut the line and also harass Big Al?"

"I don't know," Kaito's naiveté rendered the police into the sympathy.

"Yeah, it's you. You're convicted for cutting the line!"

"B-b-but—" Kaito reprimanded.

"Tell to the EC later."

"—I have rights cut the line. They're leaving the line, duh…"

"It is still counted as cutting the line."

"Hey, police officer," Kaito brandished brutally, "although I'm not as adequate as my kin, Gakupo the lawyer, but according to the Civil and Human Right Book of Law Unit 10 Number 10 junto 10, it states that one does not violate the law when one cuts the line that has been left by the previous person. You don't have the right to accuse me!"

"You memorize the most complicated book from the Book of Law? It's ingenious, but you still have to pay me some money."

Kaito gasped as he gave up not having a sufficient argument to rebuke. "Huh, ok—"

"Hold on," IA interrupted, "you're bribing? I'm calling the EC right now."

"I'm bribing?" the police officer questioned to her, "It's not bribing, but it's a friendship payment."

"I don't care what the name is, but it still categorizes as a bribery. No bribery in front of my sight!"

She seized her phone and tapped the phone number impetuously.

"Okay, okay," the police admitted, "but still, it's dangerous to drive in such speed, kiddos."

Yohio showed his driving license from his wallet right in front of the police officer's face.

"Here's the license," he stood firmly, "think first before you call us kiddos."

The ice-cream man, who was still half-conscious, had a shufti around the mansion and he was just recovered without delay.

"Is that your mansion?" he stammered bafflingly.

"Not now, ice man," Big Al replied.

From my manifest sight, I saw a turquoise-hair girl rushing outside. I got involved to this problem and realized that the girl was Miku.

"IA, Gumi, Mayu, and everyone—except Kaito—what's going on here with the police?"

Kaito frowned because his name wasn't mentioned by Miku for three consecutive days ago—or four. I heard the rumor that both of them broke apart— _rubbish_.

As Miku commenced to negotiate with the police officer we were encountering to, from the emergency court, I could see that another police officer dashed to the mansion and seduced Miku.

"Miku-chan, weren't you the one who called me?" the police officer from the emergency court pouted his mouth, having a desire to kiss her, "Would you like to be my boyfriend? I'm single you know."

Miku turned her grin into a tempestuous fury. She punched, kicked, and strangled him as if she was eager to murder him.

"Take this!"

The police fluttered to the sky far, "Kyaaa! I still love you, Miku-chan!"

"Oh, that deviant guy. Damn!"

The police officer who asked us was totally nonplussed to us for what we had done to the police. Miku explained, "That's the police whom I called for an EC demand, but he's just neglecting me and instead, he molested me in such embarrassing way."

"O-o-o-okay?" the police officer was skeptical, "How can our talk be distracted with that police?" he paused, "I don't care anyway, but kids, just not to drive like just now, even if you have a driving license or you're on the errand. I have something more to do rather than minding this common problem. Chau chau!"

The police left the mansion and the ice-cream man thanked to us for helping him averting from the riot. But just then, he bestowed to all of us a cone of classical ice cream. Kaito clutched and licked the ice cream.

"Ice cream," he rasped, "more ice cream!"

The rest of us ignored from the beginning to the end—we acted as if he was a stranger on our unblinking eyes.

"Is he insane?" I asked Gumi as if he was just the one whom somebody I used to know.

"Who cares anyway?" Gumi jested, "Like, he's just barking all the time in the mansion. Bitch, a boy bitch."

Kaito approached to the truck and requested cones of ice cream for us. Gumi grumped, "…Fine, I'm taking all the phrases back,"

"Can I have some more ice cream for my friends?" Kaito asked.

He refused, "No—"

"B-b-b-but I just wanna treat my friends for today. I know you still have an ice cream."

"I have run out the ice cream, my idol."

"What? How can an untouched ice cream disappear in such eerie way?"

"You just ate the entire the ice cream during the riot, didn't you?" Oliver hoisted and toted the ice cream box and uncovered it, "Oops, I mean…" he disdained.

"Did I? The ice cream was doubtlessly delicious. I've never eat such ice cream in a huge—"

We were utterly staggered if the capricious Kaito entirely gobbled the ice cream; however, the ice-cream man still smirked to us for a vague reason. He opened the refrigerator door and grabbed some ingredients. He didn't chatter until he unsealed everything; he poured a bag of flour and some sugar, cracked some eggs, dropped few drops of vanillin paste, and added three glasses of milk. He mixed them until well-blended. He battered the pan with the mixture and baked perfectly.

I sniffed, "The scent's just like a sweet wet mooncake."

As the base completely toasted, he called us aloud, "This is the only exclusive homemade mooncake just for the Vocaloids. I guess this is Kaito's birthday, so this one is only for you. You can treat everyone with this free and the only one cake in this year. Just give it a try!"

Kaito stuck his tongue out and dripped his saliva from his watery mouth, as if the master fed him a dog food. "But not the way you act," the ice-cream man disgusted, "keep your water out of here first. I'm going to furnish this best mooncake I've ever created."

We all were attracted by the musky mooncake. He grabbed lots of toppings to garnish and decorate that mooncake. At first, he sprinkled a little bit sugar to enhance the sleek sweetness, then he spread some chocolate jam one third, followed by a third of pineapple and strawberry jam. He layered some chocolate sprinkles, shredded cheese, peanut chops, and banana slices.

Oliver flayed, "The iceman is surely obsessed with toppings."

Yohio opinionated, "The more flavors you put, the tastier it'd be."

"But that's too much," Oliver kvetched, "and you look him? He's taking another box of some kind of weird flavor."

He added few pinches of the flavor that Oliver witnessed. The herb was green and sort of blue, just exactly the same with the color of the cyanobacteria—I could perceive that it was an enhanced flavor containing single-cell protein so that the usage of the fat could be decreased drastically. IA peered at him skeptically, as if she was too frightened to be assaulted on his hand.

"What's that?" IA spewed, "It's just like poisonous antibiotic."

"Yes, it is an antibiotic." We were uttered in speechless.

"Seriously, you want a genocide towards us?!"

"Not that antibiotic used by pharmacists to cure a disease, nor tons of ecstasy extracted into a fake, generic medicine, duh…"

IA berated, "But it's hazardous to our health, you know."

"Oh, come on," the ice-cream man blandished, "it's just a simple antibiotic for extending the ice cream expires. It is made of edible cyanobacteria decomposing the chanterelles blended with vanilla extracts."

"B-b-but…" Gumi stammered.

The ice-cream man excoriated, "How can you still live last longer even if you have bought my ice cream?"

"Um… I think you have the main point," Big Al nodded.

The ice-cream man continued to sprinkle the some-kind-of-antibiotic stuff and flourished some more toppings.

"Are you sure that the ice man will garnish the mooncake with these odds and ends? Look at these rainbows, are we going to eat that mooncake with these sugary toppings?" Oliver was insecure because he had a moody diabetes, a very rare infection that the victim could catch a diabetes whenever the victim was overly emotional—not just anger, but also happiness, sadness, fear, worrisome, etc.

"What do you mean the rainbows?" Big Al asked, "I think he will serve that separately to us as a compliment."

The ice-cream man then sliced the rainbows defined by Big Al and Oliver and put just on top of the spread core toppings. I thought it was just nothing extraordinary because it was just the only one dish that was a signature.

Slicing the rainbows on top of it, he began to sprinkle some more flakes —chocolate, strawberry, rice crispy, and many more. The thickness of the topping layers were about half a span. Even worse, he even confused us by shredding not only raw carrots, but also boiled potatoes, white radish, and blended taros.

"Is he in the mind?" I baffled on puzzlement, "I mean, what the heck?!"

Although the rainbows and gardens covered the entire base, the ice-cream man hadn't finished furnishing the mooncake. He glazed the layers with the honey and coffee syrup and this time, he took something inside the oven. I was astonished because there should not have an oven even in the most modern and latest RV, but he had one, like there was a specialized stove installed inside the truck's engine. The scent from the oven was just so mild that I could get pampered by the whole smell. Suddenly in the truck, I heard a chopping sound and everyone was panic as the man was going to commit suicide.

"Eww," Miku spritzed, "is he abnormal? Why does he even try to suicide in the truck with his smile?"

"I don't know, but he's paranoid and he might turn us into androids," Gumi replied.

Suddenly, the man reappeared in front of us. He daunted us by pacing with his hands smeared with red liquids. The liquid was too condensed, even thicker than the blood of the most dangerous criminal in the world. As we peered carefully, he was actually handless, as if he minced his hand.

"That man is gross," Big Al felt a chronic nausea and vomited, "but he's just too odd."

"What?" I asked.

"Just look at him. He has just lost his hand, but he is able to lift the chicken for sure. Or maybe, am I in the world full of fantasy?"

We abruptly experienced the same nausea as Big Al felt after we had seen the man painted with dark crimson, but I managed to control my sickness with my venom in my radii. IA was totally comatose for temporarily because she had caught an asthma before she was ten. Gumi and Miku, in this case, stayed immobilize while the boys dropped their tears.

Then, the ice-cream man called us out loud after he flipped the other base and covered the toppings like hamburgers, "Vocaloid's, the special menu has just done. I call it The Tower of the Crypt Mooncake!"

"NO! It's just so disgusting you coat the mooncake with chicken blood, or maybe even your blood from your vena," we irked to the ice-cream man, except Kaito; his eyes starred as if he was going to immerse in the euphoria of the heaven.

"It seems like a vermillion blood, but it is not a blood," the ice-cream man rejected.

"But you've just lost your hand," Miku exclaimed.

"Let me guess, you think that I am going to commit suicide, don't you all?" he assured.

"But it's just—"

"No, no, no!" he grabbed a box of utensil and brandished us, "This is my automatic butler portable machine. It does really make the suicidal sound, but it is so convenient and affordable. You should buy this, and I ensure this kit won't hurt you. About my hands, I have never harmed myself just because of something desperate. It's the chicken sauce, and obviously that's not the blood."

"Still, it's just so awful to see in public place, isn't it?"

"No, that's just a flavor enhancement. I often cook the chicken with this sauce to my family and they don't even complain how dirty the food is because it really is a sauce. I put some blended red ginger, red rosemary extracts, and apple cider vinegar."

"You really want to poison us with vinegar?!"

As we vitriolled to the ice-cream man, Kaito divided the mooncake into small parts and we were all astounded as he chunked the eerie mooncake.

"No, Kaito! We're sorry, we won't let you die!"

He ignored us and swallowed the food. His cheek reddened and we were showered with white fear. According to the rule, whoever takes someone's life on purpose, he or she will be banished from the mansion for a very long time. That was just inevitable because we were undoubtedly the murderer of Kaito just because of a stupid ostracism.

His cheek was even more blushing than before; he was just beyond the euphoria—he was in the reverie where he could dwell there for eternity without any interruption.

"This is just so mild! It's a masterpiece!"

"What?" we couldn't react to Kaito's emotion.

"You're lying," Oliver was mouth-watering.

"Am I in the period where I have to imagine?" IA fazed.

"Kaito, are you drunk?" Gumi yelped.

"You should try this," Kaito ordained us, "call the others too! I'm treating you all!"

We were skeptical, but I eventually asked everyone to taste the weird mooncake made by the ice-cream man. We grabbed and ate the slice in unison. My inner feelings were changed in anti-clockwise. The smoothness, mildness, and delicacy of the mooncake was distinguishable with the other mooncakes. It was so consistence, even if he garnished all leftovers on top of the mooncake.

As we jumped so lightly that we were in the exhilaration, something mysterious pulled most of the member's body. The thing acted like a gravity force. Oddly, IA, Kaito, and I weren't attracted by the force. Gumi, Miku, and the others were shrieking in pain. The scream could reach for almost the entire city. Not only did they grieve and shriek so squeaky, but we were also smeared by the sweat in apprehension.

We hid in the truck and Kaito shut the window, fortifying the ice-cream man from the sound pollution.

"What's just happened?" the ice-cream man questioned us, "I've never seen this kind of affair before."

"I also don't know why the heck they howl." I peeped at them and the attracted force was even stronger than before; in comparison with the gravity—nothing. I was too anxious to their condition at the moment, so I got off from the truck.

"What's happening to me?" The oozy force attracted my body and even absorbed my power.

"Are you alright?" IA and Kaito got off from the truck and they were immovable.

"What kind of natural disaster is this?" the ice-cream man rued whilst he shut the backdoor. He stopped wailing after he saw some people walked at the affair nearby, "Fixed; this is so weird. Why don't they get pulled by the force? Is there something wrong with these Vocaloid members?"

The force quickly dwindled and we all could move again. Nobody put even a single comprehension after that flabbergasted affair passed—definitely.


End file.
